Quotes tagged as "grammar-humor" Showing 1-30 of 39
"I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years." ― Tina Fey, Bossypants
"I might not use capital letters. But I would definitely use an apostrophe…and probably a period. I'm a huge fan of punctuation." ― Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor & Park
"Frankly, I wonder who Frank was, and why he has an adverb all to himself." ― Jodi Picoult, House Rules
"And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before--and thus was the Empire forged." ― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
"Thurber was asked by a correspondent: "Why did you have a comma in the sentence, 'After dinner, the men went into the living-room'?" And his answer was probably one of the loveliest things ever said about punctuation. "This particular comma," Thurber explained, "was Ross's way of giving the men time to push back their chairs and stand up." ― Lynne Truss, Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
"Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day your toes fall off and you can't walk to the bathroom." ― Jasper Fforde, One of Our Thursdays Is Missing
"And while we're on the subject of ducks, which we plainly are, the story, 'The Ugly Duckling' ought be banned as the central character wasn't a duckling or he wouldn't have grown up into a swan. He was a cygnet." ― Russell Brand, My Booky Wook
"I really do not know that anything has ever been more exciting than diagramming sentences." ― Gertrude Stein, Lectures in America
"There's a fine line between funny and annoying – and it's exactly the width of a quotation mark." ― Martha Brockenbrough
"The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense." ― Lex Martin, Dearest Clementine
"Once I start thinking about splitting the skin apart, I literally cannot not do it. I apologize for the double negative, but it's a real double negative of a situation, a bind from which negating the negation is truly the only escape." ― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
"I fail to see why you did not understand that groceryman, he did not call it 'ground ground nuts,' he called it ground ground-nuts which is the only really SENSible thing to call it. Peanuts grow in the GROUND and are therefore GROUND-nuts, and after you take them out of the ground you grind them up and you have ground ground-nuts, which is a much more accurate name than peanut butter, you just don't understand English." ― Helene Hanff, 84, Charing Cross Road
"The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense." ― Martin Lex
"I am nothing if not misanthropic," declared Sebastian. "I think you mean philanthropic," said Henry. "God, you are so perdantic." "That would be pedantic." "See! You're even perdantic about the word perdantic." ― Kevin Ansbro, The Fish That Climbed a Tree
"If your a fly, fly away" ― Connor Smith
"Some writers write to forget. Some forget to write." ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Despite centuries of English literature, the most famous split infinitive in all of history comes from Star Trek." ― R. Curtis Venture
"Cordelia glared at me. 'I expect if someone strapped you to table an swung an axe over your naked quivering flesh like The Pit and the Pendulum, you'd be correcting his grammar'." ― Victoria Clayton, Clouds among the Stars
"Even though being a good speller has lost its ranking in school, we can hope there is one group of artisans that still finds spelling important…the tattoo artist" ― Nanette L. Avery
"I sutured split infinitives and hoisted dangling modifiers and wore out the seam of my best flannel skirt." ― Amor Towles
"It is high time we turned to Grammar now," said Doctor Cornelius, in a loud voice. "Will your Royal Highness be pleased to open Pulverulentus Siccus at the fourth page of his 'Grammatical Garden or the Arbour of Accidence pleasantlie open'd to Tender Wits?" ― C.S. Lewis, Prince Caspian
"Punctuation marks are like road signs; without them we just may get lost..." ― Nanette L. Avery
"No es lo mismo estar dormido que estar durmiendo, de la misma manera que no es lo mismo estar jodido que estar jodiendo. -- En respuesta al senador y mosén Lluis María Xirinacs que le recriminaba estar dormido en su escaño del senado. --" ― Camilo José Cela
"Take the first had had and that that in the book by way of example," explained Lady Cavendish. "You would have thought that that first had had had had good occasion to be seen as had, had you not? Had had had approval but had had had not; equally it is true to say that that that that had had approval but that that other that that had not." ― Jasper Fforde, The Well of Lost Plots
"Yes yes yes, we'll get the grammar police onto her first thing. Do they have actual powers of arrest, do you think? Or will they just hang her from the nearest participle?" ― Mick Herron, London Rules
"Use exclamation points sparingly, you don't want to give someone a heart attack!" ― Nanette L. Avery
"All right." Kitty took a breath. "To whoever--" "You mean whomever." Kitty's eyes narrowed. "Whatever." ― Allie Ray, Suffering Fools
"Among the honeysuckles Sits the dandelion Sticking out like A semicolon In a poem" ― Nanette L. Avery
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